// Meet Wong Simpleton: 1% & Depressed//

Introducing: Wong Simpleton. A software engineer @ Google. Makes $212,000 a year and is clinically depressed. His therapist urged him to write jokes about anything and everything that make him sad. Here they are, through his voice, enjoy!

• Sad Things
• Oat meal? No, I eat meals.
• The best part of waking up, is not having died in your sleep.
• Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t feel anything so you cut yourself.
• My grandpa smoked weed for the first time and he got all paranoid about having natural causes.
• The end of the world is near. Or not, I’m using Apple maps.
• My dad called me on my birthday and was like, “Oops, wrong number”.
• A recent Harvard study reports that men who have dogs and happy marriages live longer because they don’t kill themselves.
• A speeding train crashed into a bus and killed 50 kindergarteners in Egypt. “I wasn’t going there anyway” said Santa Claus.
• A Syrian cluster bomb hit a playground, killing 10 children and 1 pedophile.
• A city bus crashed into a home, killing a child. An injured passenger shouted, “Hey this aint my stop!”
• A recent study says women with blue eyes see better in the dark, so remember to wear a mask.
• I went to Amazon.com and got 60% off deforestation.
• I just went on Match.com  and bought a lighter.
• A postcard sent during World War II was finally delivered to a New York State home today, by a mailman with no arms and legs.
• Ladies, it’s 2012! The only reason to belong to a “gym”, is if you are married to one.
• Reflections
• I like meeting my therapist at Starbucks because it’s a great place to vent.
• Losing my virginity in Paris was rough because we ran out of louvre.
• While in Madrid, I ordered a cafe au lait and got attacked by a bull.
• I struggle when coming out of the handicap stall so people won’t judge me.
• Now that I’m 30, I choose not to argue with my parents and just stay at the kid’s table.
• The only reason I lube with Purell is to check for any open sores before I bareback.
• Was so pissed some asshole was giving me a dirty look in his car, but turned out it was just a dude with a lazy eye, in a wheelchair.
• Yo, I ain’t scared of no punkass deer, but I am afraid of cariBOO!
• This year, I’m spending Christmas at a Yoga Studio cuz I want more presence.
• I brought home a fat turkey and my mom said “I wish you’d bring home a skinny woman. A Korean one.”
• My nose started running and it got all snotty and pretentious.
• I use Gold Bond, cuz I got 99 problems, but an itch ain’t one.
• When looking for deals, don’t use Google or you’ll always be searching.
• Whenever I see a natural resource, I’m like “Yeah, I’d tap that”.
• OMG, I just heard “The Sign” on the radio. I wonder what that means…
• I used to be a peeping Tom, but I changed my name.
• John Lennon was murdered and exactly two years later I was born. Coincidence?Yes.
• I drink Oolong cold, cuz it feels oo wrong.
• News Items
• Petraeus claims nothing classified was ever leaked on to his mistress. Mistress also claims to have never been leaked upon.
• Suffering a minor stroke while playing cards, 72 year old Mike Ditka realized he needs a better poker face. 
• Today, scientists discovered a ‘homeless’ planet drifting through space and depreciating it.
• In other sad Hollywood News, Starz puts a lid on “Boss” starring Kelsie Grahamcracker
• Dolphins found shot and stabbed with screwdrivers in Louisiana and Mississippi in despicable acts of violence with no porpoise. 
• A new GAP billboard features Michael J Fox holding or violently shaking his wife. I can’t tell, it’s not a video.
• An antiquated state law in Oklahoma bans Black Friday and also Blacks.
• A hysterical woman in Boca Ratone pulls out a kitchen knife on a first date, cutting it short.
• Storm kills 1 in southern England, breaking the X-Man code.
• Hey Chicago Police Department, a streetlight just zapped out on Clark St. so watch out for Dumbledore.
• KC Chiefs beat the Carolina Panthers, then murdered them.

// Wake and Make Jokes//

• News Corp pays $670M for the Yankees’ Network, and YES, I’m still unemployed.
• The Big Ten adds U of Maryland and Rutgers U to their conference, totaling 14 schools that probably won’t get you a job.
• Voice of Elmo, Kevin Clash, resigns from Sesame Street to work on MTV’s Sweet 16.
• I struggle when coming out of the handicap stall so people won’t judge me.
• Now that I’m 30, I choose not to argue with my parents and just stay at the kid’s table.
• Caricaturists are usually super humble because they have tiny heads.
• The only reason I lube with Purell is to check for any open sores before I bareback.
• Fiona Apple cancels her concert to be with her dying dog, causing male ticket holders to get laid another night.
• In other sad Hollywood News, Starz puts a lid on “Boss”, starring Kelsie Grahamcracker.
• A recent study says women with blue eyes see better in the dark, so remember to wear a mask.
• Was so pissed some asshole gave me a dirty look in his car, but turned out it was just a dude with a lazy eye, in a wheelchair.
• A recent study found that eating bananas in public will attract mosquitos and depraved men.
• A new GAP billboard features Michael J Fox holding or violently shaking his wife. I can’t tell, it’s not a video.
• Since 2008, we are seeing a record number of new homes being built by tiny hands overseas.
• Critics slam Lindsay Lohan’s performance as Elizabeth Taylor, though she never reads bad reviews because of her illiteracy.
• A Polish man confesses his Parliament bombing plan to a priest, using a megaphone.
• When I was young, I wanted to be a Triad member because they were into cool shit like Honda Civics and sex slavery.
• Dolphins found shot and stabbed with screwdrivers in Louisiana and Mississippi, in despicable acts of violence with no porpoise. 
• Buffets play slow background music to make you eat slower so you don’t suffocate while filling the emotional void.
• A hunter in Oregon was crushed by tree working for PETA.

// Complicity vs Agreement//

Been watching a bunch of and learning about physical comedy and clowning lately and it’s fascinating to realize how much physical comedy is broken down into tightly packaged games two clowns agree to play, which led me to reevaluate improv comedy.

“Yes, And” - is universally known as the foundation of improvisation. Agree with the world your partner established and add more information. The trouble with “Yes, And” is that it’s a behavior that is evident in those who are improvising well, but improv is difficult to teach by merely reverse engineering success.

“Yes, And” as a concept is great but it means absolutely nothing and little will take shape unless you are complicit with your partner. For “Yes, And” to actually work, you need to not just agree with your partner, you need to believe that you are co-conspirators, accomplices working towards a singular goal.

This crucial piece is so hard to teach because it can’t really be observed from the outside. Only you can actually know if you really want to work with your scene partner, if you’re really in the same boat, if you really assume he or she is an artist, genius and poet.

By accepting complicity with your partner, everything you do in your scene becomes a game, structured to succeed together. Even if the characters portrayed are arguing, fighting, meeting for the first time, transacting, teaching, asking questions, killing each other, or any number of typical “bad scenes” we are told to avoid, if you are complying to do so, then the action in the scene becomes a game between the two actors. It’s when we are not committed and not complying is when these scenes become shit and boring.

I also don’t believe improv needs to be about the “relationship” between the characters - there’s a pressure to reflect life and create spontaneous “theatre” - when we have hilarious, honest, truthful moments with strangers all the time. Lets start talking about the unique dynamics between two characters instead. How many times do we actually get hired, fired, fall in love and get divorced in life? But how often do we struggle with the decision to give up a seat for a slightly older, but not quite old, person on the bus?

If improv is adult play, then we should be maximizing that by practicing complicity not so much the agreement to contexts. The specifics of the context is like the skin and muscles of the the scene while the complicity between actors to play a game is the skeleton that holds all the pretty stuff together.

// Unprotected Play//

Been spending my Saturday afternoons taking an improv class with Mick Napier and it’s really inspiring to experience this man teach. He is so quick and sharp and notices and remembers everything. He’s also infuses play in the way he teaches as well, crafting together exercises to bend and stretch our brains in ways he’s never experimented before.

Last week we did a bunch of scenes where we were told not to think and just speak. It went a little like this:

I minute. 2 person scenes. In chairs. One line a piece, talk as fast as you can. Interruptions. No space in between the lines. Don’t leave the seats. Talk Faster. Faster. Faster!

• Don’t think before you speak! Go with your gut and react. More importance you place on an improv scene, the less likely you are to play. Measured, safe, well construct voices will fuck you. 
• 1.5 minutes. Get on your feet and do it again, now infuse your personal notes from Mick. What are you going to work on? For me it was “Be Hyper Specific”
• Do it again in 45 seconds. Talk in normal speed this time* 

Takeaway from class: “This is a playground, play with reckless abandon, the kid who needs to play a certain way is annoying”.

*this is a misdirection. It’s just a scene. But psychologically, we are in attack and play mode which affects the way we play.

Mick talks about how we get on stage and we default to a sense of protected play. I find this exercise to be a great, simple way for us to get our brains stretched out and embrace the muscle of play before we hit the stage.